you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
