No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
