Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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