I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
