I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone came in the potted fern
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
