All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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