My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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