your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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