I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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