i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
