I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
