What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize