the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
