Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
