There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
