his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
