One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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