I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
