please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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