went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So vagazzling was a success
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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