If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
