White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
