How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
