i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
