Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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