I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
