Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
