from now on my penis is your penis
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
