I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
