from now on my penis is your penis
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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