It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
