her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
