I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My hand turned me down
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
