this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
