Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
