I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
