ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
