I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
