I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
handjob tips. give me some.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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