I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
