am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
