You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
