my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
