remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
