The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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