ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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