There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
