If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize