no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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