Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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