we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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