the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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