what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
