I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
