My first STD was from a foam party
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize