I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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