Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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