ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
birth control should be required to get into college
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
