My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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