haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
wanna go halves on a baby?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
