i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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