jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
