I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
