Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
