don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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