Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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