she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
