"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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