You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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