I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
