Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize