That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
