What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
