Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
