We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
