I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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