He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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