I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
