i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
