If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
