before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
